As I was ironing my clothes for work at 5:30 am on Thursday morning, I received a lovely surprise---a phone call from my boss and friend. "Two hour delay this morning." she said. I hadn't even taken a gander out the window yet to see the fog which enveloped the area. It was so thick in some areas that school was eventually called off for some. There was no use in trying to get more sleep. I can never fall back to sleep once I'm awake. I was feeling quite lazy though.
With coffee made, I settled in to read a blog I had discovered a few days before. Some things the writer wrote peaked my interest and I had to start from the beginning. This meant reading almost 600 blog posts over a six day period. To say I had other things to do was/is an understatement. I was like an addict, though, and had to read it all. It is hard to read between the lines when a person expresses debilitating and agonizing pain. It makes me want to reach out and find a way to help them heal. This week has been one filled with agony, others' agonies, not my own (Although last week was one of the most stressful ones I've had in a while. Compared to others, it was nothing.) Jim had to help a family deal with the death of a 22 yr old father of a beautiful baby girl. My blog friend, Dave, at Five String Guitar is dealing with the quickly declining health of his love, Janet, in what may be her final days of battling leukemia. Others in blogland are dealing with death, illness, job loss, and what seems to be personal attacks of debilitating proportions. It makes my heart heavy.
I've been thinking a lot lately of experiences our family has been through in the last ten years. We faced demons and personal attacks and rumors and gossip. Our children, most notably our daughter, were caught in the crossfire. For several years, I allowed the anger to rule me. It ruled me to the point that I got lost in myself and no longer recognized the person I had become. I hated what I allowed it all to do to me. But the thing that is becoming clear to me is that I'm coming back. Snippets of who I was are becoming who I am. The heaviness that has ruled my heart for so long is leaving and, I think, most of it is gone. There is a lightness and a hope in my life that I used to feel daily that is returning. I like the person I was. In many ways, I've become stronger. I think the person I'm becoming is better. I like that.
There's been a delay, but the fog is lifting.
Pas De Deux
2 weeks ago